Give Me Grace

I didn't talk to my father today. It's the start of tax season and between now and April 15th we sometimes have to make visits to the office for a little time with him.  He facetimed WB yesterday and I spoke with him Sunday for a brief moment when he told me to make sure he got to see his boy while he was busy doing taxes. Being a mother has taught me something in each aspect of my life. It changed how I look at every relationship in my life, but the one that blows my mind the most is the child/parent relationship. Diving into Motherhood, to me was much more spiritual than I would have ever believed. God gives you this baby and you all of sudden realize that He's the only one that is going to get you through it. I remember with WB a second didn't go by during my pregnancy that I wasn't completely consumed by the thought of him. I prayed over him all day and would call out his organs from the top of his head to the sole of his feet. I prayed that God would give him health, happiness and prosperity. I spoke life over him over and over and over again. Then he was born and as he grew and the days got longer and busier, my head would sometimes hit the pillow without a prayer. This poor second baby, though the conception was very much prayed for, the morning sickness hit and the exhaustion and the having a 21 month old who's world consist of jumping and playing and running and laughing, well regretfully sometimes I forget to throw those prayers in the day, and other times they consist of thank you Jesus for this Child, I pray you knit him perfectly in my womb. Short and sweet. But back to my father, there are times that I really feed our relationship with conversation and time, and there are days that I am busy being a mother and a wife and he knows that and doesn't love me any less... This is something that God has opened my heart up to as a mother. There are times that I really feed my relationship with God, Thank him and love him and praise him. There are times I tell him I can't do this life without him, that I can't catch WB every time he decides to dive off the couch, that I need him to catch him and protect him. There are times that I speak life over my family and begged God to use us in better ways, but there are also times that I am worn down and tired and that as soon as I lay down I go to sleep. I have so valuably learned that God gives me Grace!! My Heavenly Father loves me in a lot of the same ways my earthly father loves me. I know if I forget to call my dad for one day or even two he will love me the same... He would be here If I needed him, he would do whatever in his might to protect, comfort, love and defend me, all I would have to do is ask. My Heavenly Father is the same, the Bible says that God will never forsake you. Here is the proof.... Deuteronomy 31:7 " Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" 

That doesn't say if you don't say your bedtime prayers, it doesn't say if you don't specifically ask, it says YOUR God will NEVER leave nor forsake you. And I'm telling you I've learned this and  I know God gives us grace.  Ephesians 4:7 " But to each one of us, Grace has been given as Christ apportioned it"

The meaning of grace is "the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings." Now don't get me wrong, time with your father is important if you don't invest time, communication or effort then eventually the relationship would trickle out and you would be left with an awkward non rewarding relationship, the same goes for our Heavenly Father it is sooo important to set time aside time for the Man who has given us so much, who really has given us EVERYTHING, it is important to thank him, praise him and grow in him, but my point is that Because of the times I do set aside for him I am confident when I say God knows my heart, he hears my heart even when it's not crying out. He knows I need him to protect my babies, he knows that I praise him for all of my blessings, he knows that I love him more than anything in this world that without him I have nothing. I know that he gives me grace on the nights that I am a tired mama and he knows I love him and I know He loves me. Thank you God for your grace. 

Ps, God is by the way perfectly knitting this baby in my womb:) 

Your second Christmas

I can't believe another year has come and gone. I can't believe we are already celebrating your second Christmas and soon your second Birthday. Today was filled with wonder and love like any day is filled with when it's spent with you. It's your second Christmas, and also the second year in a roll that your hard working daddy has had to work. To be honest it makes my day seem unorganized, incomplete and like something is missing, even though I am so blessed to spend it with you, it will never be complete without daddy there and I know you to would have enjoyed him there today. We started the celebration last night on Christmas Eve, Gigi, pawpaw, Uncle Justin and Peyton came over when daddy got off. We arte roast and then the fun began after we put you in your adorable button down pajamas, (man you were cute) and put the cookies in the oven for Santa, we opened gifts from Gigi and Uncle Justin. Uncle Justin got you a tonka dump truck  a (dumf tru, in your words) it was your favorite until you opened your tools and work bench and then you hammered away and gabbed away about all the work you were having to do!! That was your favorite until you opened your pots and pans from mama and daddy and then you hmm and yummed over some delish food that you made. I pretty much think you are the sweetest and cutest little boy that I have ever laid eyes on and of course you play pretend cuter than any other child born before you. After Gigi and them left, Daddy read me and you the night before Christmas and the Bible Christmas story. We said our goodnights and went to settle down, daddy went to sleep and I was up with you, you would flip to your belly and back to lay on your back and then back to your belly. I sat there thinking about Mary, how it must have felt to be the mother of Jesus, the love she must have felt for him, how she probably laid him on her chest after delivery and touched his fingers and his toes. That she was his mother, and loved him so. I think about God and how he sent his only son, and I know he loved him in the only way I can imagine and that's how I love my son and he sent him to die for me? Let me tell you my sweet child this is a thought that puts me in awe and in tears because I know how much I love you and how my heart would ache if I ever had to send you away for any reason, but God loved us so much that he sent us Jesus, his only son, and Jesus loved us so much that he died so that me and you and anyone who asks for forgiveness to have eternal life. The plan and purpose in the story is beautiful it was Gods will and we get to be part of it and celebrate it and I hope you always know that this is truly what we celebrate. While I was still trying to get you to settle down and go to sleep I felt pressure to get back up so Santa could delivery his presents but I immediately felt guilty, I thought of how in the next few years you would get older and more excited with each year and harder to settle down on Christmas Eve, I thought about the wonder of a little boy the roars and jumps , the climbing and the throwing balls. You're my little boy, and you're a lot of boy in that little body but let me promise you I wouldn't trade you for the world. I love the verse that says. 

 (as it is written in the Law of the Lord,       "Every firstborn male is to be      consecrated to the Lord"),

 Luke 2:23 

I am blessed and priledged for my firstborn to be a son. That is you and you are special and an honor to our family! When we woke up today daddy had to go to work, and you played with your Santa presents for a little bit, I was sick, but every time I was able to leave the bathroom from throwing up I would catch a glimpse of you playing with your train, and I'm telling you the joy you have in the ordinary things makes life for me extraordinary.  I finally started to feel better and we went to Gamma and Da's to open presents with your cousins and you had a wonderful time playing with them. We had breakfast and Uncle Stephen lead us in Communion, this was a first for us and something Aunt Aryn asked that we do, Christmas was a perfect day to remember the body and blood that Jesus shed for us. We spent the rest of the day playing and you looking for the next persons hand you could grab and convince to take you outside. We went to Gigi's later in the day to get our stockings and she gave your mama a very sweet gift. I am very blessed to have her and so are you, as you are everyone in our families. Your Gigi, Gamma and Da invest so much into you and the love they give you is irreplaceable. When we finally got home from our long day, we hit the baseball on your new tee with daddy and made beautiful "art" on your  Easel. We finally settled down which was much easier tonight after such a long day. I just have one last thing to tell you, Merry Christmas sweet boy, me and your daddy love you so very much, it is hard to explain the wonder, joy and love you bring to our family. I am excited for the next year and how we will grow as a family and all of the wonderful things we will be blessed to celebrate.