It seems every year sneaks up on me. Takes my breath away for a moment realizing another year has passed. I want to bottle up the sounds, the smells, kisses and hugs. I wanna remember the words they use and the smiles they give. Time seems to go so fast and little boys grow to quick. I went back to read about WB first Christmas, the little details sparked specific memories. I am thankful for writing the descriptions that carry memories. I am thankful to have Christmas memoirs, sweet words to relive past times with you my sweet boys. This Christmas Eve, I was talking with your Aunt Gaylen when I realized I couldn't remember what you first called a drink when you started talking... I told her I didn't write it down because I was sure I'd never forget, but I did and it will drive me crazy until I remember. I think back to last year and how tiny You must have been in my stomach LH, I didn't know the joy you would bring this year, sweet little one. I can't believe last Christmas I was just learning about you in my tummy and this year I am holding you on my lap. You have to be one of the happiest baby's I've ever met. Your daddy and I always talk about the amount of smiles you give within one single day. You're so tender and sweet sometimes you have a look of question, looking for approval of sharing a smile. You're so sensitive, if you hear anyone being loud for what ever reason you always assume they must be yelling at you, I always reassure you and you trust me and smile to show me so. WB you have somehow grown into a little boy between last Christmas and this one. It's hard to imagine the baby boy who could hardly talk last year is now constantly asking questions and exploring the world around him. This year was a very special year it was the first Christmas daddy got to be off from work and spend the entire day with us! We woke up bright and early and best I could beg you WB, I did. I finally convinced your sleepy head to come for your presents. We kept things simple this year and you would have never known any different,you had a Thomas the train, some dinosaurs and a Jake, what more could you want or need! If I could only have one memory from today it would be you saying " tank you mama" every time I handed you a gift. You were never prompted to do so, your heart is so genuine it makes me proud. Sometimes when daddy arrives home from work you announce "mama clean the whole house daddy" he will tell me thank you and you always follow his lead. I know we are raising you to be appreciative and I can't quite tell you where this will take you in life but just know son, it will take you somewhere good. I was thankful for a little sweetness to make up for the total fail of trying to get a picture of you and your brother in Christmas pajamas together. LH you were so sweet the whole time we open gifts, you enjoyed sucking on the mesh bag of a bath toy you got. Your big brother enjoyed opening gifts for you and then adding " this Lelon toy, I play with it too mama" we finished the presents at our house and went to Gamma and Da's, all of your Aunts, Uncles and cousins were there. WB you always bust through the door saying "where my friends at" referring to your cousins. We opened presents, Aunt Susa gave you a Mickey Mouse train WB, for you and L to always remember your trip to Disney World for Christmas from Gamma and Da. You ran and wrapped your arms around her and said "tank you susa" me and her couldn't help but get a little choked up. I know she loves her nieces and nephews more than anything and she buys you special things because she wants you to appreciate the joy in life, and when you do I know she wants to appreciate life just like your mama wants for you. We stacked you all up on the couch to take a picture with gamma and da, we all acted crazy in attempt to get you to look. I love to see all the first cousins together with your gamma and da, a love that makes all things good.We ate breakfast and did our stockings and then we headed to GiGi's and Pawpaws house. You both were asleep when we got there so I laid you, WB in Gigi's bed, when you woke up we opened presents, and let me just say Gigi wants you to both to be rotten! She enjoys doing Christmas for you so much and you're both loved by her so much. You both are loved so much by everyone and the joy I see everyday in you makes me a happy mama! I laid back down with you both, I was rocking LH and just trying to take a mental picture of his sweet little 4 month old self, I remember praying as I kissed his soft head, Jesus please help me remember his sweet smell and how soft his skin is, the innocent smell of his baby breath, please Jesus let me hold on to this forever. I know to quickly he will be running around with you WB. I wish there was a way to store of part of every day and never forget the little things. I wish you could know how many nights Id wished I could have had a day back, not because I wanted to do it over but because I wanted to do it exactly the same. I love you both and the joy you bring to my heart. I laid in the bed with you both. I checked our backing account and stared at $200 dollars someone had given us and I wept the most humbling cry I have to date. Last year was different daddy had a different Job we knew a different life but now all we know is Jesus provides everything in everyday in his perfect way. Christmas was hard.. We wanted so badly to provide you both with a big Christmas because that's what you deserved but listen to me sweet sons, I know you won't realize at such a young age but what I can offer you this Christmas is so much more than a toy you will forget about in a few months. It is humbling yourself in front of God and saying I don't see a way and him making a way, it's about you saying I need you Jesus and him saying I'm right here and in not going to leave you. Me and your daddy have prayed a lot over the decisions we have made in the last years and we know they effect you, but we want you to know that everything we do we seek God first and always know he will keep you in mind. I hope my sweet littles that your Christmas was wonderful filled with joy and love. I know this Christmas meant a little bit more to me than past years. I am so blessed to have you both I am so blessed to serve a God that provides every need I give to him. I pray that between now and next Christmas I continue to lean on God and I hope you both grow up and learn to do the same, but tonight I will pray over you both and kiss your sweet soft heads and take in the smell of your hair and ask God please please let me hold on to this memory forever.
