Oh Mama

A few weeks ago my mom and I were able to be present for my sister's labor and the birth of my first niece. During her labor my mom and I had stepped out when my mom said something along the lines of "birth is so neat, it changes how you look at everything, but especially your mama" I had never given much thought to it but it made me think back on my own birth as I emerged into motherhood, at the time I really went back and forth on who I wanted present, I felt torn between wanting intimacy of only me and Michael as we became a family, but my heart knew it wanted my mama there, my heart also couldn't steal the opportunity from Michael's mother as she would get to be apart of her first grandchild's birth. I knew in my heart that I was her opportunity, my mother had daughter galore for birthing experiences but I knew that my mother in law Heather had two sons, so right then I was the only one who could give her that gift. So I did, I shared the experience with probably two of the most vital and important mothers in my life. The two mothers that 20 and some years ago made this possible. So there I was in labor and what did I say atleast a thousand times! "Oooooh mama" I felt such a connection to her, I felt such a connection to what she had told me it would be like and I dreamed of that moment that I would meet my baby, she kept saying "you're going to meet your baby" and such a joy he brought me when we finally met. I felt really tired, but it was such a surreal feeling being a mother. What I know now, I thought I loved him in that moment but as we got to know one another and I realized he loved me too, my world was his. No one will ever come close to the amount of love I have for him, but more amazingly I will never be loved by someone else they way he loves me. They way he loves me for being his mother.  Becoming a mother did change the way I look at everything, all of sudden I looked at my husband with different eyes, I remember the first week I cried ALOT because I wanted Michael to quit his job so he could stay with us forever, I remember feeling so in love with him, I just thought he was beautiful, ever time I looked at him I would think he helped me create this baby. It was like God had washed me white as snow and there was no wrong in this world,  But that wasn't  always the case as time went on, you realize that people say hurtful things to you, make you feel less than, you realize that some people forget what it's like. You realize that baby's fall and get hurt and you worry yourself sick watching them sleep, you realize that you stay up all through the night waiting for fevers to break or rubbing gums and rocking a miserable teething baby, being a mom is rough, sometimes you feel alone, you feel judged, you regret things, worry over things but you also realize that your mother did the same for you, she took disgruntled remarks about her children or made tough decisions, you realize that she did the best she could, but most importantly you realized that she loves you with every once of her being. I know how much God has blessed me and Michael both with mothers that would go to the ends of the world for us. I find kindred spirits with them because I know not to many years ago they were loving us the best and most they knew how. I love you Mama, thank you so much for loving me and showing me how to be a loving mother to my son, I know it's because of you that I love him and Michael so much! 

Happy Birthday!