My favorite story

Michael has been asking me for a week now when I was going to write again.... I guess if no one else has enjoyed my post he has. He is so supportive of the things I choose to be, tonight he gave me the best compliment ever, after kidding and telling my family about how yesterday he asked me what was at the back of his truck I replied with "tires!" And saying I wasn't much help he added in  " but you are a good mama!" I think it made mine, my mom's and my sister's heart melt. So when I don't have much to write about what could be better to write about than being a mama. This to me of course is the best story, it's my favorite story. For those of you that don't know me and Michael decided to use a midwife for the birth of WB instead of a Doctor. I LOVE my experience with my midwife. Unfortunately Alabamians are a little behind the other states, and very far behind the north when it comes to birth  and well home birth is illegal........ So we had a border baby, which means we had to cross into Mississippi to have WB. In a little cabin, the cabin is nothing fancy by any means but has a neat fact about it, WB's aunt Aryn and cousin Nolan were born in the same exact room:) the only thing that could have made it more perfect would have been to have the option to TRULY have a home birth, and I am so hopeful for the next birth. Me and Michael know we are weird in most of our circle of friends, Michael just the other day said I wish people didn't just think I was a conservative because I am southern, because I actually wished a little that we are were in the north because then we wouldn't be viewed so weird because of our choices in parenting..... So much truth, I am not in anyway trying to judge others, I just wish everyone had the options to birth and parent the way they choose in Alabama as other states! So I'm sure you don't care nearly as much about the politics of the matter as me. Me and Michael both have gone through times of not feeling supported at all about decisions we have made about WB, I probably have questioned them more than Michael, which makes me glad I have him.... It would be really hard for me if he was like do what you want instead of I think this is best and I read this or this is how I feel. Thank God for him and his assurance and brains and willingness to educate himself on OUR child!! So back to the day WB was born, I went 2 days over or 2 days early I'm not sure, all I know is it was WB "birthday". I woke up the Wednesday before with signs of labor but  no contractions, so what did I do?! Planned a very eventful day, next baby I will SLEEP, but how could I have? I was going to meet my baby anytime and I knew it! So I went to town and actually went to a meeting with a politician about supporting midwives. I got home around 6 ate dinner and washed clothes, and got in the bed around 10. I woke up around 2 and went to wake my mom up, who had stayed with us just incase. I had some contractions I let her count before waking Michael and we had a rhythm, and these pestering contractions hurt a little more than those ole Braxton hicks! I called my midwife let her know, she said to eat and call back if they continued, so I ate a sandwich and some fruit, sat on the couch and shared sometime with only me and my mama. Looking back on it we giggled and I could feel her excitement of how she was so happy for me. Around 3:30 I finally woke Michael and told him we would have to leave soon, I called my midwife and we decided to go ahead and leave for MS. Me and Michael arrived around 5:30am and I was 4cm and completely efaced. I was so happy to actually have some progress, I was so scared it wasnt really happening. I walked for about an hour, then I got in the big tub, oh the glorious tub! I am not quite sure how anyone has a baby without having a tub! I got in that tub and stayed there until I got ready to push. I made great progress I went from 4cm to 7cm and from 7cm to 9cm and around 12:00pm I was ready to push! WB was born at 12:52. It was hard, very hard, and maybe I'm crazy because I don't remember it being that bad but I think I've just forgotten the pain. It was everything I expected natural child birth to be. I felt so empowered and still look at him and look at my little 5ft frame and so you did it, you birthed that baby! It feels amazing. I remember at one of my appointments with my midwife I was talking to her about a Christian midwife vs . a non Christian one, and I remember thinking how special it was to have someone who would be the first person to hold/catch your baby be someone who had been praying for them, who knew their name and had a special bond to them. The first person to touch and hold WB actually was someone even more special than that. I remember Michael had asked before hand if he could help in the delivery if it was applicable, but it turned out I delivered WB with Michael behind me holding me as he supported my weight, but I got a surprise when my midwife said reach down and get your baby, so I did, and i was the first person to touch him and hold him, as I pulled him up to my chest. Oh how I had prayed for him, I had prayed for the mother I would be,for the father Michael would be. I had prayed for the love WB would feel, the hate in the world he would witness, I prayed for the leaders he would grow up under, I prayed for his fingers, his toes and everything inbetween. I prayed and prayed for him and dreamed of him and here he was being born into my arms, into my arms that were supported by his fathers arms. It brings tears to my eyes to think of the beauty of the moment and the representation of how he was born and brought into this world. The support we required of each other and how we each held each other. I wouldn't change a thing about the birth of my baby boy, I think others would say what they think they would do different, but to me it was perfect, it was simply and uneventful but yet so amazing and graceful, ha with the expection of a few screams. Me and Michael have since talked about our birth and both are happy with what we chose and we will choose a midwife again, however we both just want it to truly to be a home birth, we don't want to leave to bring home the baby, I already dream about WB being there with us and ready to become a big brother, in his surroundings, in his home! Moments after he was born...... Michael was able to hold me and our son:) 

I got married, not cancer.

Let me start by saying I am not at all trying to make a joke at the expense of cancer. Cancer is awful and devastating and that's exactly the meaning I want from my title. Marriage should be the complete opposite, exciting and rewarding! When I got engaged at the young age of 21 I was excited to share the news but often was shocked by people's response. I was working in a restaurant at the time and as soon as my ring was spotted people would start throwing things around like "you're going to hate each other in a year" "don't do it, it's a mistake" or my favorite "you're too young" like my life would be wasted by marrying the love of my life! People always thought if they had a nasty divorce then that was the result of every marriage. I'm not saying I live in a fairy tale marriage or that I think I'm wiser than a 30 year marriage. I am only saying that I expect the best out of my marriage! I love when Michael says things like "when I retire me and you are..." I am Michael's future and he is mine! I often felt like telling people about my proposal was dreaded news as if I was telling them I had cancer. Marriage to me is looked down upon, it lacks respect, we expect husbands to complain about their nagging wife and wives to complain about their lazy husband who won't get up and take the trash out! I am not claiming that Michael takes the trash out every time I ask or that I don't nag him, because that is far from the truth I am just saying maybe I should step back and look at the fact that he has willingly worked a 80 week because he wants me and our child to be taken care of and wants me to be able to do what my dream is, to be home with my child! I am forever grateful to him! The moment I step back and look at Michael like he is a disease or cancer is the moment we start to shut down, it will take over our marriage and it will spread like a cancer taking over our essential "organs"! Our commutation, love, trust and faithfulness! We constantly have to work on these things, not because they are a problem but because we don't want them to be a problem. We both have to continuously work on finding the good and not letting all the bad seem bigger than the good. I now hold us to a different standard because of WB, me and Michael are his core and part of his happiness will come from our happiness as his parents. For months now I have longed to be soft spoken and patient with Michael as well as setting the path for the kind of mother I long to be, I can't tell you how I pray and long for this and how disappointed I feel in myself when I get inpatient or loud, and I know my family would probably be like you're trying to work on what!?! But in all honesty it is on my heart most days, why is it so hard to change our ways!? but anyways call me a weirdo but I already find myself praying for the woman Braylon will marry and I know and hope I will set an example of and to the woman he will marry. This is a lot of pressure, motherhood is a lot of pressure:) it is a lot of work, and I hope I haven't lost you, I just hope to help you step back and appreciate the good before the bad eats away at you or your marriage. I hope to help you realize the example you are to your children or even to others, as this want to be soft spoken and patient comes from dear friends I grew up around. I realize some marriages result in divorce, sometimes for reasons that can't be helped and I'm not condemning anyone, and I hate when people say you don't understand, because that is a given, you most likely will never be married to my husband and I will never be married to yours, so it's pointless to say you don't understand because we all know we will never understand someone's pain or happiness, because we will never be them, one marriage will never be the same as another. All I'm trying to say is stay positive in other people's marriages even if yours sucked or sucks and if you have a good marriage stay positive for your fellow marrieds even if you haven't had to experience what they have, and I'm preaching to myself here, I know I haven't  been as supportive or loving as i could to others, one of those changes I'm  TRYING to work on! Lastly here are a few things that I think have made a huge difference in our marriage, we have never stay away from each under the circumstance of anger and we have never not slept in the same bed, and we never bring something from yesterday into today, for 545 days with the exception of few vacations apart, Michael has kissed me every morning;)  I don't think we have it figured out by any means but I know we both want to be married. I know that Michael wanted me to be his wife and I know that he loves me and our child more than anything! I refuse to let the bad ever overtake the good! I have too many blessings to be unhappy and Michael and his family is one of my  biggest blessings, after all Michael did help me make the most beautiful baby ever! Best wishes,  no matter the age of your marriage! 

Blessed by a book.

The word plenty means "more than enough". When I think of this word two things come to mind, one is a dream I had a few weeks ago and the other is something my dad use to say to us as children. When out and about  we would beg to go out to eat and my father would say there is plenty at the house to eat. As a child this was so disappointing and it seemed so boring to eat at home, but now as an adult I love to run by my mamas to see what she has cooking! So what significant meaning does this have, as children we only see what we want not what we have. As an adult I am learning to appreciate what I have, a family, a home and food to eat. If God never blesses me with another thing, I have more than enough, I have plenty. But that's not the kind of God I serve, which brings me to my second point, my dream. Several weeks ago I was awoken around 3am to a dream I had about our house being full of books, I was so proud showing them all off, in my dream the walls in our house were full of bookcases full of books, even though we looked like hoarders, I was glowing with excitement about all the books. When I woke up, I laid between my "plenty" my sweet baby boy and my husband. This dream spoke to me unlike any dream I had ever had. I began to pray and ask God what he was trying to tell me and never before had I heard God so clearly. I was praying over Michael because I associated the books with him and for a while now he had been job searching. I prayed for favor, for contentment, I prayed for Michael's happiness. Then God put the word plenty on my heart. More than enough. God put a promise on my heart. The next morning I shared it with Michael, I told him about my dream, and it may sound silly, but every time I'm out shopping Michael asks for a new book and I always say we haven't the money. I rationalized the dream to mean God wanted Michael to have plenty of books, because he is that kind of God, a God that cares about our heart's desires. That  day Michael received a phone call for an interview which resulted in a new Job that is less than 3 miles from our home! This job offers us better benefits and supports our family with plenty. As soon as I am able, I am purchasing a bookcase:)