A little insight

This isn't a bash on formula feeding or some big advocating speech on breastfeeding, it is simply an insight of a breastfeeding mother. I am often baffled by peoples remarks of when will you stop? or are you still nursing? These questions don't make me angry but they don't necessarily make me beam with joy either. When I had WB I knew I wanted to nurse him but I didn't have a cut off date in mind or an exact age I would wean him and guess what I still don't. So why can questions be so bothersome, or even somewhat offensive? Let me give a little insight and then I will say why and how it can bother me. Day one of nursing: this tiny sweet most perfect baby is handed to you, you've just used every muscle in your body to delivery this baby and now you are wholly responsible for the nurturing of this child. I Prayed for this day, breastfeeding was something I wanted to be successful at so I prayed about it leading up to this day, I had faith in my body and baby and luckily day one went fairy smooth considering that we both were completely worn out. Day two of nursing: Its 11:00 PM and my milk comes in aka laying chest first in an ant mount. It burns and stings, and you thank your lucky star that you have a sister willing to go to Walmart that late at night to buy a breast pump, come home sanitize it only to come in to find you and baby soundly asleep. Day three of nursing: Now that my milk has come in the baby decides he only wants to latch on to one side, good news, my midwife gives him a little push and he latches. Bad news my midwife wasn't with me every time after that when I had to nurse on that side. Result is very, I mean very uneven breasts'. The first few weeks I cringe every time he latches and every time my milk lets down it takes my breath away, but I keep pushing through it, other women have surely felt this and I wont give up. two months into nursing: The baby's weight gain is excellent, he nurses all the time sometimes ever 30 minutes.. the tenderness has somewhat left but the painful letdown only seem to get worse, he would choke, pull off and fuss, my milk would soak me and him within seconds, if it was free to run wild it would spray across the room. Some times the baby would love to nurse other times he seemed to hate it, I got online and read and read and discovered I was dealing with oversupply and forceful letdown, there were many days I would cry as I would nurse him... alligator tears as it made me so sad to hear him get choked up. My eldest sister is the only one I ever confided in about the matter, I feared being a failure at breastfeeding, I feared negative comments or anyone suggesting I dare give up. For weeks I would get knots in my stomach every time I would be in a situation I might have to nurse in front of anybody, including family. I would pray please God let it be okay!I felt like such a bad mother, it was important to me and I felt like I wasn't doing a good job, I felt like I was letting my baby down. and during this time is surely wasnt this fee good bonding experience others had made out to me. FINALLY upon reading I came across block feeding and this is when our breastfeeding relationship took a turn for the best. It was hard to stick to, and after 1000 soaked shirts, engorged painful boobs and a few cry sessions (from both of us) we both were doing good at nursing and the baby was just at the age where I could tell how much he loved it. four months of nursing: This is when all the hard work started to be rewarding. At night I would cradle the baby and nurse him and every couple of minutes he would pull off give me a smile and then "talk" to his daddy as if he was telling him how good his ninny milk was. (side note, For people who think that breastfeeding excludes dads from bonding, night time feeds were and still are a big bonding time for us as a family, Michael often rubs the baby's head while he nurses or just puts his arm around us and talks, I think he enjoyed seeing how much the baby enjoyed nursing as much as I did, and that makes me happy) 8 months of nursing: We are still going strong and it amazes me to say that my body has provided him everything he needs. He still loves to be social while eating and I think this has been the age he has loved his ninny most. So why are those questions bothersome, are you still nursing? or how long will you nurse? Because I have put in my hard work, I have went through pain and hardship and overcome it, I have had to excuse myself from dinner or other activities to nurse the baby, I have held my pee and pulled over in gas stations to nurse, I have bent my back over backwards in attempt to nurse the baby to sleep in the carseat, I have walked around Walmart with a sopping wet shirt. I have woken up 8 times at nighttime to nurse. I am not looking for a gold star I am Looking for a don't put your opinion in on our nursing relationship, I am looking for this is my body, my baby and my decision. I promise I am not going to nurse until I am spending him off to kindergarten but I am just asking for a little respect on the matter. One day I will know WB wont need to be nursed but until then I know his sweet little smile will assure me that he does indeed need me and wants me to nurse him. I am his comfort and all that he knows and I am completely happy to be that for him right now.